Tormented

Sometimes I look around and wonder: How did I get here and where did I come from?

As someone who is full of anger and hate, and yet is able to smother it out preventing explosive engagement that will undoubtfully harm another, I seriously can not tolerate a person who is so out of control that they consistently damage the people who are closest to them.

I'm not perfect, I have lashed out at innocent people, physically and emotionally.

I'm not innocent, but I've been victimized. Most of my assaults have come on unexpectedly, and abruptly. Within minutes kind words and complements turn to derogatory name calling and irrational assumptions.
Suddenly I am the worst person in the world. And yet I'm just the tip of the unstable iceberg.
I have come to understand that this is all temporary. Those who are eager to give you the world will be just as quick to pull it out from under your feet.
There is no weight to their words, and they will all eventually fade into the hazy forgotten parts of my brain.
As a humanitarian I hate to let go of people, I don't want to loose their beauty. But with a few choosen words I have changed their prospective of me, of my world.
They suddenly feel as if they don't fit in. Truth is, they have never fit in.
Likewise I have never fit in, and I'm still not fully prepared to venture alone.