Mugshot
That is the idea for our book. Dalten and I are going to write it. I want to think Tyler and nick will have a part in it, but honestly I'm not sure they would even be interested.
James might have a story to tell as well.
It's funny. Secretly I always wanted to be "normal" because I thought the more normal I was the closer I would be to having a normal life. You know like grow up with both parents AND your siblings. I'm starting to come to the realization that my hate for my mother was less for me and more for Dalten. I was always so sad that I did not have a mother, and I really can't explain that pain but I can tell you that seeing my little brother in so much pain is very hard. I think it hurts worse knowing that I wasn't there while he was being abused by his step dad. It's bizarre because around that time I was also dealing with an abusive step mom. It would have been so much better if we were together.
Dalten was living with our younger brother at the time, and seeing them now it is so evident that they love and look out for each other. I'm glad that at least they had each other.
What's bothering me now is, I have no want to talk to my mother. None. I thought maybe it will be good for both of us, but I know she is still lying to me. And I can't forgive her for what she did to Dalten. At least not until he does. It's too painful to see him hurting.
I am glad his dad found him and got him away from that awful situation. The place he is at now, the people he is with are all so beautiful. I hope he sees that as much as I do. It's a miracle we all turned out ok. It's the same feeling I have towards my nanny and even my dad. My nanny is my angel. She's always been there. I think I I cried more on her shoulder than anyone else's. I love my dad more than words. I wish there was a way for him to take me away from that situation and still be close to my brothers. I'm still a bit angry that he accidentally stuck me in another bad situation but I guess accidents happen.
It's hard to think of life as it "could've been" so I try not to.
So now I wonder what life will bring. I feel so connected and I use to feel so lost.
I hope that trips out to see my family in the west becomes more of a regular thing.
It's good to dream. At age 15 I truly believed I would never see any of my brothers again. So anything can happen.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Don't look back
Today I got to see my little brother, Dalten. For the first time in 16 years. It's taking a while to set in, but in many ways I feel like we kinda picked up where we left off. Which is cool, but it's heartbreaking to know that when I leave here, it's going to be a long time until I see him again. My two older brothers are not here. They made excuses, but I know why they are not here. They are hurting in ways I can't even imagine.
I do get to finally meet my youngest brother tomorrow!
And I'm seeing Craig again finally. And meeting his wife which I will talk about tomorrow when I'm not exauhsted.
I do get to finally meet my youngest brother tomorrow!
And I'm seeing Craig again finally. And meeting his wife which I will talk about tomorrow when I'm not exauhsted.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Oh princess
But you don't know sorrow
No you don't know war.
You don't know it like I do
You don't live it like I do
People got to live like they want to
Thirsty for something new
Most if us, ain't got a clue
And nobody feels sorry for you
We will all feel differently tomorrow
But I know it won't end this sorrow
We might feel differently tomorrow
Our time is all we can borrow
The miracle of life is meant to be a fight
A struggle,
a desperate attempt to reach the light.
Our entire race has seemingly lost sight
And I know it won't change overnight
I can't say sorry princess
Because I can't decide if your ignorance
Is bliss
And I don't know if bliss... Is good or bad
And it's all so unclear, these concepts
But maybe I should feel sorry for you instead
Because you are fragile. And my world would've broke you a long time ago.
Trust me when I say,
My aftermath is a bit delusional.
No you don't know war.
You don't know it like I do
You don't live it like I do
People got to live like they want to
Thirsty for something new
Most if us, ain't got a clue
And nobody feels sorry for you
We will all feel differently tomorrow
But I know it won't end this sorrow
We might feel differently tomorrow
Our time is all we can borrow
The miracle of life is meant to be a fight
A struggle,
a desperate attempt to reach the light.
Our entire race has seemingly lost sight
And I know it won't change overnight
I can't say sorry princess
Because I can't decide if your ignorance
Is bliss
And I don't know if bliss... Is good or bad
And it's all so unclear, these concepts
But maybe I should feel sorry for you instead
Because you are fragile. And my world would've broke you a long time ago.
Trust me when I say,
My aftermath is a bit delusional.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Sometimes there is a lot to cry about
I can never express how much it hurts to be abandoned by your mother
but I do know that it hurts more knowing you've lost valuable time with people you love
I lost watching my little brother grow up.
I lost contact with everyone. My grandparents, my brothers, my step dad, my cousins
At first I blamed my dad because he moved me as far away as he could from that whole mess
but it wasn't his fault. And often I am glad I grew up away from that chaos. even if I had my own chaos here.
I remember the night my mother got arrested, after running for nearly three years.
I remember holding my little brother in my arms while he slept through it. I remember holding his ears so he wouldn't hear it. I remember the police men, the flashing lights.
We (my mother, my brother, and I) were sleeping in the same bed that night. At my grandmas house, hiding. My stepdad had left the day before to run to Salt Lake City. He got caught later that week.
I heard the door fly open to our room. I heard grandma begging the police men to be quite, because the kids where sleeping in the same bed. They were not very quiet. The light came on. My eyes had a haze on them as I tried to focus on the men that came through the door. Mom got up quickly. There were some words exchanged. Grandma asked me to roll over and go back to sleep. Why did these men want my mom so badly? Mom was told to pack socks and underwear and nothing else. She did, and then she was cuffed and escorted out of the house. I was so scared I didn't move. I wanted to get up and shout at the men, I wanted to scream. But I held onto my brother, and cried silently.
nothing was ever explained to us. I was 6, my brother was 2.
I visited mom in jail a few times, talked to her through the glass on a phone. I managed to get a few sit in visits with her. One of which she went crazy during. I said something she didn't like, and she started shouting. Before I knew what was happening two men came in the visiting room and cuffed her and took her away. I only saw her one more time after that. it was a short visit, only a few minutes. My mother told me lies about my fathers, things that would make me not trust him.
When I got home that night I told my dad what she had said. He told me then, that I would not be visiting my mother for a while.
A few weeks after that my dads mom, my nanny, came to meet me, for what I thought was the first time. I had met her as a very small child, but had no memory. She was very kind.
She stayed with us until the school year was over, and I flew back to Virginia with her. (From Montana)
My little brother was not so fortunate. Its heart breaking. Both of his parents went to jail. He had to stay with mom's mom. Mom's dad had committed suicide not long before that.
Grandma wasn't doing so well.
I remember getting on the plane, i had a baby doll in my lap, and sat in the loading room. Dalten and Grandma stood on the other side of the glass, I watched them from my seat. I kept making silly faces at Dalten to get him to smile. He'd make them back. He was holding his bear, "plaid Pete", in his arms. And had his face pressed up against the glass. Drool fell from his bottom lip and slid down the glass like a slug. Grandma held a death glare on my Nanny. She bent down and whispered something in Daltens ears. His face fell, and then tears accompanied his drool on the glass. I looked at Nanny confused. She grabbed my hand. "We have to go now, the plane is here" We stood up, I waived to Dalten then turned and walked with Nanny onto the plane.
That was the last time I saw him.
After that he lived with grandma until she died a few years later (4-5). At the time Mom had been released on good behavior and had married another man. So Dalten went to live with her. She had another child named James, I have never met him. Dalten lived with them until mom got arrested again a few years after that. (2-3) At that point I was 13. Dalten then lived with Moms husband for a few years. I am not sure what happened, I am not sure why. I had zero contact with everyone for the next three years. At age 16 I got a card from my ex-stepdad. It was a picture of him and his "new" family. Dalten was not in the picture. I suddenly realized that I had no idea where Dalten was so I contacted social services to find my little brother. He was 12 at the time. I did not know why his dad did not have him, I assumed that would be where he went, but it wasn't. Social Services located him with his Aunt Sue, Aunt Sue then told me she as trying to get Craig to take custody of him, but there were some issues. I then decided that I wanted to take custody of him, but to do so I would have to either be 18 or get emancipated. And even then it would be harder for me to get custody because I still didn't support myself. So I asked dad. But my dad was in a very dark place at this point and couldn't handle another teenager. So I contacted Craig to find out what was going on. Eventually Craig took custody and Dalten moved in with him at age 13.
Dalten is now 18, and graduating. I am finally going to get to see him after all of this. I am thrilled. But I am also sad. I know how much we missed, not being around each other. And I know he doesn't really remember me. But I hope once I see him (and the rest of my brothers!) Some of my sadness will disappear. I have been talking to my mom for the first time in 6, and actually having conversations with her, which has never happened before. So I know I am forgiving her. But I know the pain isn't going to go away. Since talking to her, and being in contact with my brothers, and arranging times to see all of them I have felt more solid, more grounded, and less chaotic. but I have also gotten older. It hurts the most when I see/hear other stories from people good and bad, but especially the bad. I hear and read stories of children who loose a parent one way or another and they talk about how they had each other, their siblings to help them pull through. And I know I had my dad, and we helped each other. But I feel different because I have all of the brothers, that went through many of the same things I did, but we didn't go through it together. So all of our stories are very different, and we are very different. And sometimes I get so caught up in thinking about what if we had all stayed together, would we still be so different?
I know the things that hurt me. And I know the things that have put dents in my mental health, my perception. I wonder how many dents they have, how much do they hurt? How much do they love?
It's not something we really talk about because its too hard.
and im a big cry baby
I can't wait to see them. I wish I knew how to act.
this is a sadness that I know will never go away
but I do know that it hurts more knowing you've lost valuable time with people you love
I lost watching my little brother grow up.
I lost contact with everyone. My grandparents, my brothers, my step dad, my cousins
At first I blamed my dad because he moved me as far away as he could from that whole mess
but it wasn't his fault. And often I am glad I grew up away from that chaos. even if I had my own chaos here.
I remember the night my mother got arrested, after running for nearly three years.
I remember holding my little brother in my arms while he slept through it. I remember holding his ears so he wouldn't hear it. I remember the police men, the flashing lights.
We (my mother, my brother, and I) were sleeping in the same bed that night. At my grandmas house, hiding. My stepdad had left the day before to run to Salt Lake City. He got caught later that week.
I heard the door fly open to our room. I heard grandma begging the police men to be quite, because the kids where sleeping in the same bed. They were not very quiet. The light came on. My eyes had a haze on them as I tried to focus on the men that came through the door. Mom got up quickly. There were some words exchanged. Grandma asked me to roll over and go back to sleep. Why did these men want my mom so badly? Mom was told to pack socks and underwear and nothing else. She did, and then she was cuffed and escorted out of the house. I was so scared I didn't move. I wanted to get up and shout at the men, I wanted to scream. But I held onto my brother, and cried silently.
nothing was ever explained to us. I was 6, my brother was 2.
I visited mom in jail a few times, talked to her through the glass on a phone. I managed to get a few sit in visits with her. One of which she went crazy during. I said something she didn't like, and she started shouting. Before I knew what was happening two men came in the visiting room and cuffed her and took her away. I only saw her one more time after that. it was a short visit, only a few minutes. My mother told me lies about my fathers, things that would make me not trust him.
When I got home that night I told my dad what she had said. He told me then, that I would not be visiting my mother for a while.
A few weeks after that my dads mom, my nanny, came to meet me, for what I thought was the first time. I had met her as a very small child, but had no memory. She was very kind.
She stayed with us until the school year was over, and I flew back to Virginia with her. (From Montana)
My little brother was not so fortunate. Its heart breaking. Both of his parents went to jail. He had to stay with mom's mom. Mom's dad had committed suicide not long before that.
Grandma wasn't doing so well.
I remember getting on the plane, i had a baby doll in my lap, and sat in the loading room. Dalten and Grandma stood on the other side of the glass, I watched them from my seat. I kept making silly faces at Dalten to get him to smile. He'd make them back. He was holding his bear, "plaid Pete", in his arms. And had his face pressed up against the glass. Drool fell from his bottom lip and slid down the glass like a slug. Grandma held a death glare on my Nanny. She bent down and whispered something in Daltens ears. His face fell, and then tears accompanied his drool on the glass. I looked at Nanny confused. She grabbed my hand. "We have to go now, the plane is here" We stood up, I waived to Dalten then turned and walked with Nanny onto the plane.
That was the last time I saw him.
After that he lived with grandma until she died a few years later (4-5). At the time Mom had been released on good behavior and had married another man. So Dalten went to live with her. She had another child named James, I have never met him. Dalten lived with them until mom got arrested again a few years after that. (2-3) At that point I was 13. Dalten then lived with Moms husband for a few years. I am not sure what happened, I am not sure why. I had zero contact with everyone for the next three years. At age 16 I got a card from my ex-stepdad. It was a picture of him and his "new" family. Dalten was not in the picture. I suddenly realized that I had no idea where Dalten was so I contacted social services to find my little brother. He was 12 at the time. I did not know why his dad did not have him, I assumed that would be where he went, but it wasn't. Social Services located him with his Aunt Sue, Aunt Sue then told me she as trying to get Craig to take custody of him, but there were some issues. I then decided that I wanted to take custody of him, but to do so I would have to either be 18 or get emancipated. And even then it would be harder for me to get custody because I still didn't support myself. So I asked dad. But my dad was in a very dark place at this point and couldn't handle another teenager. So I contacted Craig to find out what was going on. Eventually Craig took custody and Dalten moved in with him at age 13.
Dalten is now 18, and graduating. I am finally going to get to see him after all of this. I am thrilled. But I am also sad. I know how much we missed, not being around each other. And I know he doesn't really remember me. But I hope once I see him (and the rest of my brothers!) Some of my sadness will disappear. I have been talking to my mom for the first time in 6, and actually having conversations with her, which has never happened before. So I know I am forgiving her. But I know the pain isn't going to go away. Since talking to her, and being in contact with my brothers, and arranging times to see all of them I have felt more solid, more grounded, and less chaotic. but I have also gotten older. It hurts the most when I see/hear other stories from people good and bad, but especially the bad. I hear and read stories of children who loose a parent one way or another and they talk about how they had each other, their siblings to help them pull through. And I know I had my dad, and we helped each other. But I feel different because I have all of the brothers, that went through many of the same things I did, but we didn't go through it together. So all of our stories are very different, and we are very different. And sometimes I get so caught up in thinking about what if we had all stayed together, would we still be so different?
I know the things that hurt me. And I know the things that have put dents in my mental health, my perception. I wonder how many dents they have, how much do they hurt? How much do they love?
It's not something we really talk about because its too hard.
and im a big cry baby
I can't wait to see them. I wish I knew how to act.
this is a sadness that I know will never go away
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Sunday, April 28, 2013
My heart breaks for humans
We lie
We steal
We don't care
We use
We want
We kill
We abuse
We so badly need to be needed
And need to be loved
We so bad want to give the ppl we love everything we have
We hurt
Heartbreak hurts
We abandon each other in times of need
When life is good you have more friends than you can handle, but when life is hard... They disappear.
Sometimes I get so caught up worrying about health and money that I neglect fun and friends who in turn neglect me when I just need help
Because helping is not fun.
It's hard to be the person I want to be when there are all these limitations around me.
I just want to love and help. But how can I possibly do that when there is so much cruelty in the world, and I'm too busy fighting for myself?
We steal
We don't care
We use
We want
We kill
We abuse
We so badly need to be needed
And need to be loved
We so bad want to give the ppl we love everything we have
We hurt
Heartbreak hurts
We abandon each other in times of need
When life is good you have more friends than you can handle, but when life is hard... They disappear.
Sometimes I get so caught up worrying about health and money that I neglect fun and friends who in turn neglect me when I just need help
Because helping is not fun.
It's hard to be the person I want to be when there are all these limitations around me.
I just want to love and help. But how can I possibly do that when there is so much cruelty in the world, and I'm too busy fighting for myself?
Saturday, April 27, 2013
reputation
Its funny how people make things happen in their own minds to justify what is going on in their lives.
Its also funny how quickly people are to assume things that they know very little about.
I have had the reputation of a "Man stealer" for a very long time. Almost 10 years (Im 22) so think about that for a second, and then think about our society. Kinda sad right? Only 13 years old and already pegged as someone who forces men away from the person that "trapped" them into their delusional pre-teen back woods, backwards mentality. "I know that we are only 13 but we are dating, so that means we will get married someday, and have babies!" and the reality is (for that poor girl) is that she will end up very unhappy, because that is NOT how the majority of the world works, AND there is no "right or wrong way to live" I could go more into this concept (sex before marriage, same sex marriage, divorce, etc) These traditional theories are, and have been outdated. very outdated. We just don't get hitched at 13 anymore people, so stop teaching your children that they "must find a man" or we will end up with more reality TV shows about teen pregnancy. OBVIOUSLY WE ARE ALL DOING SOMETHING WRONG!
But anyway let me tell you how this all is a part of my life and my experience. For starters I am not from Virginia, I have lived many places, and because of my very bizarre childhood (consisting of a very wild mother who wanted to have a traditional family sooo bad but had zero concept on how to actually make that happen correctly, thus resulting in a slew of failed marriages and left behind family *all the children* and then growing up with a single father and watching him navigate through the crazy dating scene and seriously seeing first hand how CRAZY women can be) I have a very unique perspective on things like relationships, marriage, babies, families and the like. Because of this perspective I have also researched marriages and traditions from other countries to get an idea of how these ideas and concepts come about. I will say this, we live in a very crazy world, ruled by very crazy people.
So back to me at 13 years old, because that is when it all started, I became a "Man stealer". I was in 7th grade, and had gone to some dances with some boys, and done the whole "we're dating because we are holding hands" thing, but never had a serious boyfriend *i use that term lightly..because how fucking serious can you be at 13 right?* anyway, I met this boy, we'll call him curls because he had beautiful black curls. We started dating, and since i was a prude that essentially meant we ate lunch together. Unfortunately Curls had a secret, or not so secret admirer, whom was convinced that curls was her man. And in her defense curls was a charmer, so she might have thought he was actually interested in her, until I came along and charmed his fucking pants off! (lol) But he wasn't actually interested in her otherwise he would not have asked me out. make sense? Well this girl holds some serious grudges. serious. She HATED me from there on out, and STILL has a problem with me. In fact I thought she had gotten over it when she added me on FB a year ago, only to wake up to a HUGE comment on one of my photos where she had gone off about how I was a freak, and would always be a freak and someday I will be fat and ugly like the rest of the world. (can you see how insane that is?) The problem is that same scenario happened again in highschool, where she was pining over some dude, and I met him (unaware that she had it for him) and he asked me out. This is one girl out of 3 girls who has had this idea in their head that I purposing track down the men they are into just to distract them away from said girl. Im sure its infuriating, but honestly who has time for that?
So moving on to "where is she now?" Well she is living in some county somewhere, engaged to her best friends baby daddy. She looks good, she has lost a lot of weight since highschool. But its hilarious that she still thinks Im some kind of super freak.. whatever. When she "took" a man from her best friend while she was pregnant with his child. Ironic huh?
Ok second girl. I had a highschool sweetheart (I liked to date until I met this one kid who I thought was the bizness, so I stopped dating and stayed with this kid for over a year, but since it was high school it was on and off.) Anywho when I first met him he was talking to this chick, we will call her droopy because she is a sad person, never happy, and you can see it in her eyes. poor girl. I remember him telling me about her the first night we met, but he was telling me he wasn't very interested, that they had just been talking. This kid came to my house party the night after we met, got trashed and had to crash at my place. (or my dads place bc we were in highschool) When I took him home the next day, he asked me out. She found out a few days later and was furious. But they weren't together and even if they had been, why would you try to hang on to someone who doesn't want you? These women make no sense. Unfortunately for her, this became a repeat thing for us. And it might be because she was super clingy to her men, or we had the same taste in men, or maybe its because I can talk to men like people, and not animals (ladies we complain that men think of us as objects, well we think of them as pets, so thats no good) Anywho what ever the reason there was another guy later (a few years) who wanted to get with me, but never did. 1. he was with her 2. I wasn't interested but apparently she caught him looking at pictures of me or something so it ended. A year or so after that she was dating a drummer from a band I use to book consistently. Me and the drummer were very good friends, and we started hanging out more that summer because we both had more free time. AND he wanted to spend some time away from her. Just because I have a vagina does not mean every man who wants to hang out with me wants to get some. seriously YOU WOMEN ARE CRAZY. anyway. He started telling me that she was pestering him about kids and marriage, and even set a date for both, and wrote it in sharpie on his wall and stuff. We were 20, so I told him FUCK THAT. it was obviously Something he did not want. Or we wouldn't be all distant and telling his friends about it. So why push him? If you really love him, you would make a compromise. Come on people, its not hard. Well he ended up breaking up with her, you can guess who got blamed for it. Go figure. However we never dated.
Where is she now? Don't know Don't care. Last time I heard about her, I had a coworker who was friends with her in highschool, and gave me some perspective on her personality. She desperately needed to be needed, and wanted. And HAD to fit in all the time. Like I said, poor girl.
Next we come to my highschool sweetheart and his current wife and mother to be. That is a huge story with lots of emotional ties and heartache between us, but the moral of that story is, he is happy because he is SAFE with her. He has come to me multiple times through out their relationship from dating, to engagement, to marriage, to baby, expressing that he is not happy and wants to end it with her because he is bored and not ready for this life. He doesn't want to do this the rest of his life. And I tell him what I tell anybody. If you want to be free, you are free. Just do it. Now he has put a baby in her, it will be harder. I have cut all ties of communication with her and him because I AM NOT going to get blamed for that marriage falling apart. I am not going to have some crazy women telling her child that another women broke up their marriage. HONESTLY if your marriage is that fragile, something is wrong. Does anyone else see that? If your husband is out seeking comfort from his ex from highschool, making passes and flirting something is wrong.
And yes I know this says a lot about my character, most people would tell me I shouldn't be talking to my ex's or "You shouldn't let them hit on you, they are just coming to you because they need an outlet" or whatever. Some people push it as far as being like "I bet they come to you because they think you can be the girl on the side, your laid back and don't demand commitment" nonsense.
Small fact about me, I lost my virginity senior year, and can count my partners on two hands. so eat me if you think Im loose.
SO we come to the present. Where yet another women is blaming me for the end of her marriage. which in reality ended well before I came into the picture, romantically or not. That marriage was over when I first met my SO. Most people can see that, and most people are ok with other people doing what they want to be happy. But like I said, we are raising people to be obsessive and hang on to traditional morals that don't apply to modern day society. Is anyone getting this? WE ARE OUR OWN PROBLEM. So stop.
Its also funny how quickly people are to assume things that they know very little about.
I have had the reputation of a "Man stealer" for a very long time. Almost 10 years (Im 22) so think about that for a second, and then think about our society. Kinda sad right? Only 13 years old and already pegged as someone who forces men away from the person that "trapped" them into their delusional pre-teen back woods, backwards mentality. "I know that we are only 13 but we are dating, so that means we will get married someday, and have babies!" and the reality is (for that poor girl) is that she will end up very unhappy, because that is NOT how the majority of the world works, AND there is no "right or wrong way to live" I could go more into this concept (sex before marriage, same sex marriage, divorce, etc) These traditional theories are, and have been outdated. very outdated. We just don't get hitched at 13 anymore people, so stop teaching your children that they "must find a man" or we will end up with more reality TV shows about teen pregnancy. OBVIOUSLY WE ARE ALL DOING SOMETHING WRONG!
But anyway let me tell you how this all is a part of my life and my experience. For starters I am not from Virginia, I have lived many places, and because of my very bizarre childhood (consisting of a very wild mother who wanted to have a traditional family sooo bad but had zero concept on how to actually make that happen correctly, thus resulting in a slew of failed marriages and left behind family *all the children* and then growing up with a single father and watching him navigate through the crazy dating scene and seriously seeing first hand how CRAZY women can be) I have a very unique perspective on things like relationships, marriage, babies, families and the like. Because of this perspective I have also researched marriages and traditions from other countries to get an idea of how these ideas and concepts come about. I will say this, we live in a very crazy world, ruled by very crazy people.
So back to me at 13 years old, because that is when it all started, I became a "Man stealer". I was in 7th grade, and had gone to some dances with some boys, and done the whole "we're dating because we are holding hands" thing, but never had a serious boyfriend *i use that term lightly..because how fucking serious can you be at 13 right?* anyway, I met this boy, we'll call him curls because he had beautiful black curls. We started dating, and since i was a prude that essentially meant we ate lunch together. Unfortunately Curls had a secret, or not so secret admirer, whom was convinced that curls was her man. And in her defense curls was a charmer, so she might have thought he was actually interested in her, until I came along and charmed his fucking pants off! (lol) But he wasn't actually interested in her otherwise he would not have asked me out. make sense? Well this girl holds some serious grudges. serious. She HATED me from there on out, and STILL has a problem with me. In fact I thought she had gotten over it when she added me on FB a year ago, only to wake up to a HUGE comment on one of my photos where she had gone off about how I was a freak, and would always be a freak and someday I will be fat and ugly like the rest of the world. (can you see how insane that is?) The problem is that same scenario happened again in highschool, where she was pining over some dude, and I met him (unaware that she had it for him) and he asked me out. This is one girl out of 3 girls who has had this idea in their head that I purposing track down the men they are into just to distract them away from said girl. Im sure its infuriating, but honestly who has time for that?
So moving on to "where is she now?" Well she is living in some county somewhere, engaged to her best friends baby daddy. She looks good, she has lost a lot of weight since highschool. But its hilarious that she still thinks Im some kind of super freak.. whatever. When she "took" a man from her best friend while she was pregnant with his child. Ironic huh?
Ok second girl. I had a highschool sweetheart (I liked to date until I met this one kid who I thought was the bizness, so I stopped dating and stayed with this kid for over a year, but since it was high school it was on and off.) Anywho when I first met him he was talking to this chick, we will call her droopy because she is a sad person, never happy, and you can see it in her eyes. poor girl. I remember him telling me about her the first night we met, but he was telling me he wasn't very interested, that they had just been talking. This kid came to my house party the night after we met, got trashed and had to crash at my place. (or my dads place bc we were in highschool) When I took him home the next day, he asked me out. She found out a few days later and was furious. But they weren't together and even if they had been, why would you try to hang on to someone who doesn't want you? These women make no sense. Unfortunately for her, this became a repeat thing for us. And it might be because she was super clingy to her men, or we had the same taste in men, or maybe its because I can talk to men like people, and not animals (ladies we complain that men think of us as objects, well we think of them as pets, so thats no good) Anywho what ever the reason there was another guy later (a few years) who wanted to get with me, but never did. 1. he was with her 2. I wasn't interested but apparently she caught him looking at pictures of me or something so it ended. A year or so after that she was dating a drummer from a band I use to book consistently. Me and the drummer were very good friends, and we started hanging out more that summer because we both had more free time. AND he wanted to spend some time away from her. Just because I have a vagina does not mean every man who wants to hang out with me wants to get some. seriously YOU WOMEN ARE CRAZY. anyway. He started telling me that she was pestering him about kids and marriage, and even set a date for both, and wrote it in sharpie on his wall and stuff. We were 20, so I told him FUCK THAT. it was obviously Something he did not want. Or we wouldn't be all distant and telling his friends about it. So why push him? If you really love him, you would make a compromise. Come on people, its not hard. Well he ended up breaking up with her, you can guess who got blamed for it. Go figure. However we never dated.
Where is she now? Don't know Don't care. Last time I heard about her, I had a coworker who was friends with her in highschool, and gave me some perspective on her personality. She desperately needed to be needed, and wanted. And HAD to fit in all the time. Like I said, poor girl.
Next we come to my highschool sweetheart and his current wife and mother to be. That is a huge story with lots of emotional ties and heartache between us, but the moral of that story is, he is happy because he is SAFE with her. He has come to me multiple times through out their relationship from dating, to engagement, to marriage, to baby, expressing that he is not happy and wants to end it with her because he is bored and not ready for this life. He doesn't want to do this the rest of his life. And I tell him what I tell anybody. If you want to be free, you are free. Just do it. Now he has put a baby in her, it will be harder. I have cut all ties of communication with her and him because I AM NOT going to get blamed for that marriage falling apart. I am not going to have some crazy women telling her child that another women broke up their marriage. HONESTLY if your marriage is that fragile, something is wrong. Does anyone else see that? If your husband is out seeking comfort from his ex from highschool, making passes and flirting something is wrong.
And yes I know this says a lot about my character, most people would tell me I shouldn't be talking to my ex's or "You shouldn't let them hit on you, they are just coming to you because they need an outlet" or whatever. Some people push it as far as being like "I bet they come to you because they think you can be the girl on the side, your laid back and don't demand commitment" nonsense.
Small fact about me, I lost my virginity senior year, and can count my partners on two hands. so eat me if you think Im loose.
SO we come to the present. Where yet another women is blaming me for the end of her marriage. which in reality ended well before I came into the picture, romantically or not. That marriage was over when I first met my SO. Most people can see that, and most people are ok with other people doing what they want to be happy. But like I said, we are raising people to be obsessive and hang on to traditional morals that don't apply to modern day society. Is anyone getting this? WE ARE OUR OWN PROBLEM. So stop.
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