Frustrated

I'm frustrated with modeling. Maybe I'm just bored, it has always been a thing, a weird system. That payed gigs are always more fun, and the photographers that pay are way more talented than the ones who don't. So what if I really want to work with a photographer. Who pays then? Me? That's the ultimate question. It has always been a deal where the model gets paid, BUT I think there is a rise in artistic models which means models are modeling for more than portfolio pictures. (I really can't stand basic portfolio shots and submissions) I don't necessarily want to be a model for the industry, but I do want to do larger shoots. I.e. more money in the budget to make astonishing photos with. But I don't feel like I should pay a photographer in most cases. I constantly hear photographers who want money and then turn around and use those photos as advertisement, or magazine/vogue submissions, or sell the photos. And I feel that is wrong! I'm so confused with the whole thing it makes me sick. And I am tired of creeps. And in tired of collaborating with a photographer just to do ALL of the artistic work myself. (The wardrobe the idea the make up the setting AND the editing) because most of the time I get the photos back and notice that they are poorly edited. So I edit them. Some photographers are cool with this, some are not. The ones who are not I determine are a loss and dump their photos I. The trash because I can not use them, and they could've been great. Here's the thing I don't want to be a photographer, I use photography as one of many outlets in my art but I do not want to deal with models. Or the "system" that everyone thinks they know. And besides that I can not stand shooting models because of their ego or their "training" it usually is wrong, and you spend most of your time telling the model to relax. So I guess I'll just shoot my boyfriend, myself, and my friends. Which kills me as an Aquarius but so be it. And I'm not sure if u want to model on "shoots" any more. Minus a few people I just a LOVE being around. And I consider extremely talented. It's just not worth the bs. Or the ego vomit anymore.