Sitting at the Edge

Sitting at the edge of the universe.
my brain won't stop moving. it talks and talks and talks
and yet...
even though sleep can not silence it, sleep helps organize it.
If I could sleep away my problems... would it also eliminate my fears?
As I sit on the edge of this shift, holding my balance
as the world turns, and moves around me
as the people pulse and the vibrations surround me
I sit still and wait
do I wait to jump? or am I waiting for a push?
when is the time right? will it be a straight shot? or a free fall?
What if i just hang there, in mid air. no movement, just more of the same old thing
I couldn't handle that.
If I wait to long to jump, I will be pushed. Is this push going to be bad like the rest?
Is my life going to turn upside down, will the main multiply?
As I fight to survive and experience everything to the fullest.

I am lost in my head
I want freedom, I want to be free!

emotions and feelings are not the same

I am angry <feeling>
I have anger <emotion> something that is playing out.

True feeling is very peaceful

I am scared, I have fear. I can get rid of fear, but I must experience being scared.
I must know everything, every step, every vibration
Because this is my life and I only have one.
Life is not full of chances, it is full of differences.
full of CHANGES

I know what I want. I want universal love and understanding.
I know I must find this in myself before I can seek it out in others
I must be fully aware and relaxed to be truely ready for the shift.
I must no feel anger towards people who can not live up to my expectations because
expectations are not for us to decide. We must give love freely and not expect to get it back.
The hardest. because a love that is shared is a bond that can not/should not be broken. But see, that is the difference. The bond is the importance, not the love. the love is a personal FEELING that we experience. It is good, it is pure. We do not stop loving someone because they have done something wrong. instead we break out bonds with them. If you can honestly say you do no feel love towards an individual for some reason or another, then you never loved them to begin with. I fully believe that bonds are broken when there is a weakness on one side or the other. Ideally, they will never break, because the love would never change. But we are unstable creatures, with unstable minds, and breakable souls. We are not in sync. we are not in tune. We do not FEEL correctly, we identify our emotions based on our programing. We can not simply feel, we think first how we should feel.
That is why I don't like how people instantly go to a mental folder when you start talking about a trying time in your life. "My father use to beat me, and I can not forgive him." instead of listening and understanding that the individual does not have to forgive or even acknowledge his/her father, we try to mend the "broken child" within. Trying to help the individual find forgiveness, instead of finding peace. Forgiving someone is acknowledging that their actions had the intent of hurting you, which is rarely the case. If I can understand that the things you do are normally not influenced by my existence, then you can understand that my "reaction" to you, has probably less to do with you, and more to do with me. AND when we can see both perspectives at once, we find our plain of sight. free of haze

Freedom