food for thought

Thinks too much

“Everything, even the world, outside is your projection. According to your mental condition, you see things in a particular way. If you see the city in which you live as a heavenly one, then there is a sort of heaven within you. If you see hell in the city, that is how your mind views it. So the world is nothing but your own projection. Everything begins from the mind. Within us is a godly element

 and a human element. If we remove the human side, we become divine. If we ignore the divine side we become human. So the mathematical equation will be: Divine + mind = human being. Human - mind = divine. If you don’t attach to the mind or feel that you are the mind, then you’ll feel the divine and you’ll always be in heaven. That’s the simple equation."

~Sri Swami Satchidananda

If more people would understand that life is as they perceive it, would that make them more aware. would it help the current state of mindless accusations? 

Im honestly not sure here. 

Check it out

Gothic Romantic
Might add to my to do list

Artists are forever alone

The Planet of Lost Things: The mind of an artist is a lonely place sometimes...
This is my friends blog. She said it best

Im a big sap

All I can do right now is cry.
I'm crying over the tv show I'm watching.
I'm crying because I feel lame.

I feel like I'm in high school again.

Sometimes I'm a total girl.
And I cry over boys.
Boys.

But I see the problem.
The problem is always me.
Because life isn't fair.

So I don't speak about it.

I'm whining because my heart is still broken and my patience has worn thin.
Let's try to not take this out on the wrong person.

Quickly now

Theres not much time
either you have time
or you have money
never both.
and sometimes you have nothing
and sometimes you have time
and no money.
that is the worst ya?

But that isn't the issue. Not at all
I realized yesterday that I have a number of defense mechanisms.
One is forgetting. Having no memory of a time or place, because Its too painful.
another is preoccupying my mind to avoid conscious thought. or better subconscious thought
As in become so fucking busy that you literally can't be bothered with anything that is not work
or anything that has to be done.
I have done this my whole life. Instead of completely facing and dealing with a situation I first ignore it. It didn't happen. Then I make up a fantasy about how it happened, dramatize the situation to my benefit. I am no longer the child who got beat mercilessly with a bible, but instead the child who smacked the shit out of the bitch who hit me in the first place. (not entirely false, I did hit her once...)
but you get it.
OR I deny that it ever happened. And "move on" with life
I make sure I pack my days full of "to do".
From the moment I wake up in the morning from the moment I fall asleep, every minute must be occupied. Even if I am alone to do so.
So for example.
7am wake up
get ready, dressed, cleaned, etc
7:45 leave for work
8work
12:30 lunch break (i pack the lunch break full with errands to avoid down time)
5 off work
5:15 second job
6:30 off second job

then the rest of the night consists of either doing yet another job until about 10pm OR I race home to make dinner for the roommate or lover or whatever. Or have to clean, or paint or draw, or dance, or ride my motorcycle, dye my hair, cut my hair, paint my nails, do laundry, call a relative, etc. And sometimes I even add in an event, such as a concert, bar night, or club night to occupy any free hours until my body gives out and I fall asleep.

my life is fun no doubt. Some of this has changed however. I am allowing myself complete downtime. Which is resulting in a lot of confused people who knew I'd always hang out regardless.
I don't see my friends as much
but at least I can think and maybe sort or 21 years of shit in my brain
yes?
where I thought art was doing that for me, art was and is simply another distraction.
 I am currently trying to make it a legit outlet, but still can't completely expose my heart to the world. I guess I know they are not ready.

Its make or break right?

but I am too tired to keep living like this.

so give in I must.

Hello world it's been a while

Happy dance

Yum

Fuck that noise

I really can't put into words how much I dislike a certain person. And the orb of shit that surrounds her. She has her own gravitational pull of bullshit. Be weary of those who have followers. Leaders were born to die.

How can someone be considered part of the alternative and yet be so ignorant.
We were built on being outcasts. Thrive on our differences, and live through our talents.
So what makes you so special.

Tormented

Sometimes I look around and wonder: How did I get here and where did I come from?

As someone who is full of anger and hate, and yet is able to smother it out preventing explosive engagement that will undoubtfully harm another, I seriously can not tolerate a person who is so out of control that they consistently damage the people who are closest to them.

I'm not perfect, I have lashed out at innocent people, physically and emotionally.

I'm not innocent, but I've been victimized. Most of my assaults have come on unexpectedly, and abruptly. Within minutes kind words and complements turn to derogatory name calling and irrational assumptions.
Suddenly I am the worst person in the world. And yet I'm just the tip of the unstable iceberg.
I have come to understand that this is all temporary. Those who are eager to give you the world will be just as quick to pull it out from under your feet.
There is no weight to their words, and they will all eventually fade into the hazy forgotten parts of my brain.
As a humanitarian I hate to let go of people, I don't want to loose their beauty. But with a few choosen words I have changed their prospective of me, of my world.
They suddenly feel as if they don't fit in. Truth is, they have never fit in.
Likewise I have never fit in, and I'm still not fully prepared to venture alone.

Anxiety

"The best things come to those who wait"
Nanny always says that
Nanny is always right.
As I sit patiently for life to get a move on I also remember something else Nanny said. "You can't wait for life to happen you gotta make it happen yourself." So...which is it. Do I sit and hope or be progressive. Is this one of those grey areas again. You gotta fight for what u want, but seriously don't be ridiculous.

Ghosts

Ok..I'm convinced my apartment is haunted. I just looked over at a blanket and watched as something under it looked as if it was breathing. I think the ghost is a little boy. Maybe he's sleeping. Idk. He hasn't harmed me. And I don't want to wake him. Maybe I should ask my medium friend to check it out. ^_^

Advancement

I have been working on my web page for almost 7 hours now. wow.
I want to beef the site up by having links to my Facebook, Model Mayhem, This Blog, Deviant Art, and Tumblr. I really like tumblr. I created as an outlet for Wayne. His own personal blog of sight. There has been one post. I hope to start posting things to places other than FB and keep FB for more social events and less personal events. I guess well see how that works. I guess now I have to sync everything to my phone!
Life is fun