K is for Kid Chapter 1.

I like to think of our generation as pioneers. We are the kids that will break all of the societal norms, bend gender identity, and redefine family roles. I say that because here I am, barely 16 years old, sitting between my boyfriend and my girlfriend, and her boyfriend, whom is also my boyfriends, boyfriend. I say this because we are sitting here, in public, out in the open; watching people pass by with faces of disgust, and we totally don't give a shit. Just to be clear, I am sure that some of the looks we are getting have nothing to do with our relationships, but instead are in response to how we are dressed. But that doesn't stop us from kissing each other to ensure our message is clear.
ahem.. "WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK!"

Today is a very nice day. It's summer vacation, we are all off school and work, and it feels like we have nothing but time to do what ever we want.
"I'm so bored." Mandy groans.
"Yea me too." Jacob sighs.
We had been all over town that day, looking for something to do. We tried to go to our mall, which is basically a ghost town, and had been kicked out due to the chains on Jacob's pants. After that we tried the skate park, but a fight broke out between Trent and some kid.
"Lets go find that punk from earlier. " Trent grinned. "I'll fuck him up."
"Go ahead! I'm staying here." Jacob said. "I'll laugh at your busted ass later."
"Fuck you." Mandy stood up. "He's just scared, lets go Trent."
"NO!!" I yelled, grabbing Mandy. "That shit is stupid. Just stay here."
"Why? So we can spend another hour sitting on our ass?" Mandy scoffed.
"We could always lay down and look at the sky!" I said as I stretched out on the concrete. "How many times can you say you took a nap on the side walk?"
Mandy layed down next to me. "Yea this is pretty stupid Quinn." she laughed. "Man get up we have to find something to do before I kill myself"
That is when I heard it.
"SHHH Shut up!" I said. Everyone got quiet. "Dude do you hear that?!"
"No, what?" said Trent.
"The music?" asked Jacob.
"Yea! shhhh!" I tried to listen again.
"Where is it coming from?" Asked Mandy.
I listened harder. It was rock... no metal... no rock... no that had to be metal. But Metal music being played loud enough to hear on the streets in our town? No fucking way. That is a crime in this town. Shit what isn't a crime in this town?
"Oh shit, that is the Deftones!" Jacob exclaimed and started running around to pin point where it was coming from. "Do you think this restaurant is playing it?"
"Fat chance." said Mandy. "Maybe it's coming from the coffee shop?"
Mandy poked her head in the door. "Nope, they are playing Fiona Apple."
I spotted an open window on the second floor of the building behind us. That had to be where it was coming from, but the sign at the door said "Children's Art Museum."
"Mandy, is that an apartment?" I said pointing to the window.
"I don't know, maybe?" She said.
"Let's go in!" Jacob said. "I've never been to a children's art museum."
"Yea and you'll probably get us kicked out!" I said laughing.
We all started in. The entrance way had a second door that lead to the museum, then a tiny stairwell with an iron gate. I peered into the museum. It was closed.
"Let's go up the stairs." I said.
"No way! You don't know what is up there." Mandy said.
"Maybe there is a murder up there!" said Trent as he bounded up the stairs.
"Wait!" I said running after him.
I nearly ran him over when we got to the top, he was just standing there, with his mouth hanging open. I caught my breath and looked up. I realized why he was in awe. I heard Mandy and Jacob gasp behind me.
Infront of us stood a naked mannequin, painted blue, and facet nobs for nipples. Behind her hung a painting of the american flag with a bucket of black paint spilling on it. Next to that was a painting of a surreal figure, a girl I assumed, with way too much makeup, and a blank stare. I turned the corner, the music became way louder. In the next room we found more bizarre painting and a few portraits of BDSM models, and a man. He sat behind a desk with sunglasses on and his feet up. He was asleep.
"Dude he must be stoned" Jacob said, and disappeared into the other room. Trent followed. Mandy and I continued to explore the art. There was a piece that was nothing but bullet shells, and another that looked like bullet holes. I kept looking back at the man at the desk to see if he had woken up. I walked up to his desk and picked up a sticker, it read "Art is Dangerous" I laughed and put it down. The music stopped, then the man moved. I jumped right out of my skin. "Holy Shit!" I yelled. He hadn't been asleep, at least I don't think so. "No, I think you mean BULLSHIT!" he said with a smirk.
"I'm sorry I thought you were asleep!" I said. "Oh I might have been, I don't actually know." He said standing up. He was tall. Very tall, with black spiked hair. "I like the art here." I said suddenly getting nervous. "Thanks." He said "Most of it is mine." I looked around for my friends. Where had they gone. I looked into the other room. They were all sitting on the couch. "Hey!" I said and ran over to sit with them. The tall man followed me. I squeezed my ass between Jacob and Mandy. "Scooch!" I said. "Oh your ass is so boney!" Mandy complained.
"So what are you doing here?" asked the man.
We all exchanged sideways glances. Mandy elbowed me hard in the ribs.
"OOOFFF! oh.. uh... well..." I stammered. "We heard your music and we liked it."
"I liked it." said Jacob. "You guys didn't know who it was."
"Oh you like the deftones?! That is a nice change." the man said. "Usually if I get a visit, it's from someone complaining about the "noise"". He did air quotes and rolled his eyes behind the sunglasses. Then he started talking about the art and how he has had a lot of trouble in this town.
"Man people just don't get art you know?" he said. "They come up here, glance at the pieces, and ask if I have anything that would match their furniture. Can you believe that?"
We laughed. We all knew how hard it was to not be mainstream in our small town.
"Tell me about it. Welcome to Staunton!" I said.
"For real!" Mandy laughed. "What is this place called, I never saw a sign."
"Oh yea I should get one of those." The man then cleared his throat and in a theatrical voice said. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, hold on to your seats kids. This is KRONOS!"

23

I'm just figuring this out

And I don't know what to say

I don't know what to say

I don't know what to say 

I'm not part of your game 

Bc I don't know how to play 

Dance floors

The perfect recipe for a dance floor I think, would be very similar to R2. Maybe, I got spoiled by it. Let's talk about other venues. The Jefferson- I love the set up and the aestetic. The dance floor is good, and supports live music set ups, which instantly promotes crowd dancing. But dancing to a band isn't the same as dancing to a dj bc you are playing off the band. And you are also watching the band... As are the rest if the ppl, and if your nice you don't wanna get in their way too much. Next up... Let's see.. The annex. I love the set up of the annex, and since they support live music their set up is very catered to that, but not to a DJ. Infact, I am often uncomfortable dancing bc you are right in front of a very awkward DJ. And since goth nights are my favorite, you often dance on a pretty desolate dance floor. So it's literally you and the DJ. They have a loft, idk how big, but I feel like something else could be done. Bc otherwise the set up is almost perfect. Next is impulse. I like how impulse hid the dj both. They are still there right off the dance floor/stage but you can't immediately see them, there is a wall between you two. But that dance floor/stage area is... A bit confusing. Especially on nights that they support both a band and a dj. Bc you watch the band on the stage. Then you dance on it. I know that is a bit nit picky, and this issue is something you'd get use to pretty quickly, and can add to the "I'm a regular" thing. Jumping back to R2. Not rapture, bc the rapture dance floor is literally the fucking walk way to the bathroom. So you are constantly having ppl walk through. The rest if rapture is the bar, pool tables, and high top tables. Plus, bc of the nature if the nights they have. If I muster up the balls to dance, regardless of circumstance, chances are some drunk girl, (on any side if the spectrum) or a drunk-pushy dude will start invading your space. In whatever way they see fit. 

See, what R2, the Jefferson, and arguably impulse had in common is that the dance floor is protected on 3 sides. But like I said. The Jefferson is geared towards band, and at impulse you dance on the stage. R2 also had the bar on the side of the dance floor. Which a lot of ppl didn't like. I think it has as many pros as it does cons. There was also a projector. So the visual entertainment wasn't just watching other ppl dance. And while you were dancing you could look at something other than other ppl watching you. Which helped when you just wanted to fade out and fucking dance. Lastly R2 has a balcony. That was the best. You could watch from an entirely different platform without being right on the dance floor. Or you could just chill. 

R2 I miss you

A passion

It's come to my realization that I don't really have a dream. A dream like "someday I'll be an astronaut!" Even as a little person I was content with just being. More than content. But happy, serene. Which made me flexible enough to survive the life I had to live. But somewhere I lost that, because people preached success...pride...responsibility. Maybe that's just called growing up. But maybe it was a fundamentally crippling experience that lead to a break in my faith in life. A break that shattered my ability to trust anything that I didn't have a hand in. This is arguably good because it also made me less vulnerable, gullible to a nasty world. But in the same breathe it made me a part of it. I don't want to bite the hand that feeds, because I completely enjoy my quizzical and analytical mind. And even so I can careful and calculated, I'm often careless and impulsive. And in those times, by some miracle, things work out. I get lucky. I'm talking about doing the same careless actions many girls, even in my area (and it's not gender specific, I won't get into the predator prey theories) and those girls are now dead. Fantasy would say I have a guardian "angel". 

But, to get back on topic, I don't have a dream. I have lots of things I want to do. But a dream, that I can achieve and feel good dying for/about/after completion...

It's just not there. The idea of life is too tantalizing to compare it to anything material or superficial or even (as I struggle to say) single perception based. Meaning if it's not something that will benefit all man kind... Is it worth dying over? No. Being the worlds most sought after graphic artist... Fun but meaningless

Having the coolest band, or being a famous, or something. The only thing about fame is visibility, a platform, and limited power. Alicia keys, does it right. Erika badu does it right. But many others do nothing with the platform they are given. So... Dreams. Do I need them?

Show me

s-s-s-show me what you got s-s-s-show me what you got

keep playin', you don't know me
keep watchin', maybe you'll see
this life, sure don't come easy

Baby if you got the key, you don't need to creep.

s-s-s-show me what you got s-s-s-show me what you got

my life, collides with my art
two worlds I can't keep apart
come here, only if your smart

If you don't have a heart, I think it's time to start.


s-s-s-show me what you got s-s-s-show me what you got

I'm a boxer

I keep my dreams locked in a box aaabcccb
7...6...7...10

i keep my dreams in a box
heavy chains and pad locks
a story that only god mocks

take a breath in now, the story begins. 

Livin' life like its fast pace
Heathens in a mad race
Stay running onto home-base

 keep your facts straight cause everybody sins

I'm a boxer, set up the bouts

first win and the whole crowd shouts

hit em up hit em up hit em up 

block a few hits, take a blow

keep on standing its part of the show

Knock em out knock em  out 

K then O

Standing on a pedestal 

a bike you can't pedal

may be a bit skeptical 

anythings possible, with a good lie 

Loose balance, and break your crown

it's ok, we all fall down

it's just life in a small town

Just keep on smiling, ignore the black eye

I'm a boxer, set up the bouts

second win and the whole crowd shouts

hit em up hit em up hit em up

block those kicks, take a blow

keep on standing, it's still a show

knock em out knock em out

K then O

Make things

I just want to make things. Create. Build, change, alter, restore, renew. All of it. I'm good at making things. But things become heavy. So things get left behind, so what can I make that isn't heavy? Money, I can make money. Hey I'm good at that too. But money isn't enough, I still need to make things. All the things. I think u could work endless hours making things. If I could without it risking day to day failure at grown up tasks like getting up for work, id do it. The best artist statement I've ever heard was from a kid in my class. "Why does god get to be the only one that makes stuff. I wanna make stuff too!"